The Lima Loser
by EverShadow
Summary: Santana is the only one left behind. She lives out her life as a Lima Loser, alone in a small apartment with no way out and no future. And then a stranger comes into town and gives her life a little something more.


I first met her at BreadStix. She was sitting at my table, looking at the menu. She had dark hair, the color of tar and just as manufactured. I could see even standing a good distance away that the roots of her hair were a different color; blond. It wasn't anything special, the color of her hair. People came in with dyed hair all the time, sometimes they would come in with a different color every week or so. No, it wasn't the color that got to me, it was how it was styled.

I hadn't seen that hairdo in years. It was a mohawk. Well, it was what they called a "fauxhawk" really. She hadn't completely shaved either side of her head, there was still about an inch or two. But it was molded so that most of it gathered in a stylized mess in the front. I looked down at her face. She was young 17, maybe 18. There were piercings on her lip, on her nose and several on either ear. There were studs, rings, you name it, she had it. I wondered where she had come from. I'd never seen her before and it wouldn't be hard to miss. It was boring in Lima. No one ever looked like _that_.

I unconsciously muttered something under my breath. After I had said it, I couldn't even remember if I had said "punk" or "Puck." As if she heard me, she looked up and our eyes met for the first time. They were a light amber with ocean-blue flecks in them. I almost gasped. It was funny that I might've said "Puck." The girl looked startlingly like him, hairdo and all. Her eyes spoke in volumes.

_Why are you looking at me?_ They demanded. I remembered that I was her waitress, and that she was probably wondering why I wasn't attending to her. I quickly collected myself and walked over.

"Welcome to BreadStix." I said, flashing a polite smile. I hadn't always smiled. When I first started, it took a miracle to get me to smile. I hated the job, but soon I found that smiles got tips and I needed them badly. The girl nodded acknowledging my presence. "My name is Santana and I'll be your waitress today. Can I get you something to drink?" The girl gave me a confused look. Her pierced eyebrow lifted for a moment. Then she smirked and I couldn't help but feel as though I'd seen that smirk somewhere before.

"Water." She replied. No "please". No "thank you." I thought to myself that kids these days were getting to be so rude. But thinking that only made me feel old. Even if I wasn't, I certainly felt it.

"Sure." I said. A customer is a customer. As long as she tipped well I couldn't care less if she made me bring her ten glasses while juggling her entree. I walked back to where the glasses sat stacked neatly in a row. I got one of them and poured tap water into it. For good measure, I stuck a lemon in and brought it back.

It was empty that day. The girl was my only customer. When I brought the water, she nodded without saying anything.

"Would you like to order?"

"Not really." She replied. I blinked.

"Oh, sorry, do you need more time?"

"No." She said, staring me straight in the eye. I shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. "So, Santana." She said my name as if she had known me all my life. "You lived here a long time?"

"Yup." I replied faking cheeriness. "Born and raised in Lima." I didn't mention to her that being born and staying in Lima meant you were a Lima loser. I wasn't ready to admit to that quite yet. Somewhere in the depths of my mind, I still had hope that I was going to get out of there one day.

"So you probably went to Lima High, right?" She was definitely not from around here.

"McKinley High, yup." I corrected. She smiled, not the smirk I saw earlier but a genuine, relieved smile.

"What year were you?" She asked. What was this, 20 questions? If she hadn't been the only patron, I would've high tailed it out of there. But as it stood, there was only me and the chef in the back. Even the manager was gone on a barren day like this.

"Well, that was...I graduated 16 years ago." 16. That's three 5 year reunions. With each passing half decade, I felt more and more trapped in the little town. Everyone else was going out and doing big things and here I was, waiting tables and praying for a 20% tip. It was disheartening, even more so when I saw...

"So you know Quinn Fabray." She stated. I blinked and came out of my thoughts.

"You know Quinn?" I asked.

"Who doesn't?" She replied. I blinked. Of course. Quinn was a prominent figure in the political arena. Both she and her husband were famous and popular. Anyone who lived in Ohio knew Quinn Fabray.

"Yeah." I said. "We were in the same grade. That was such a long time ago, though." She girl folded her hands on the table. "So...are you planning on ordering anything?"

"What I want isn't on the menu." She said. I'd heard that line a million times before but usually from male patrons. I was shocked and I didn't reply. Seeing the effect she had on me, she smirked that familiar smirk again and fished a 20 from her wallet. She set the 20 down.

"I'll swing by when you get off work. When is that?"

"7." There was no reason for me to reply yet I did. She scooted out of the booth, leaving the 20 on top of the menu.

"I'll see you at 7, Santana." She exited the restaurant. I watched her leave, driving off in a shiny new land rover. When the shock finally wore off, I looked down at the 20. Wordlessly, I picked it up and tucked it in my pocket.

I didn't know why I did it but I stood outside the restaurant as the busy hour started. Cars started pulling in one by one and soon the parking lot was filled. I was a little upset that I couldn't be there. My boss would not schedule me for more than 5 nights so instead of raking in tips, I stood in the chilly evening waiting for some strange girl to pick me up. I folded my arms and shivered. What was I doing? Why was I waiting for some teen to swing by in her car and drive off? Was I insane? How did I know she was even going to show up?

Maybe. Maybe I'd been in Lima too long. I tried to self analyze my condition. This girl was the embodiment of the outside. I was yearning for it, any bit of it so I was waiting for this girl because I wanted any contact with somewhere outside Lima, Ohio. I knew, very deep inside, that I wasn't going to get out.

I waited out there for an ungodly amount of time, 20 minutes when finally, a familiar range rover pulled into the parking lot. Against my own will, my heart skipped a beat when I saw her in the driver's seat. I hadn't felt that in a very long time, not since I drowned in the sea of dishes, menus and returned food. She got out of the car and I raised a hand, smiling a little. She walked over.

"Let's go." She said, twirling her keys. For all I knew she could've been a serial killer, a kidnapper, anyone. But I was desperate to reconnect with the world outside and hell, dying would be better than staying in this shit hole.

"Sure." I said, climbing into the passenger's seat.

"What's your address?" She asked, poised to put it in the GPS hanging from her windshield.

"You're not a stalker, are you?" I asked but I really didn't care. She laughed.

"No." She replied. "But let's be real here, you wouldn't have gotten in my car if you really cared." She had me there. I wouldn't have done a number of things if I had cared. I gave her my address and she typed it in. "Now I know where you live." She teased.

"So take me home." I answered. She gave me that smirk again, that so familiar expression and I still couldn't place it.

* * *

_"I didn't get into college. I figure, with these babies I'll marry rich or something." I lay on the couch and read People magazine. My father was steaming mad._

_ "Marry rich?"_

_ "That's right. Why else would you have given me these jugs?" I asked._

_ "I gave them to you because you promised me you would apply to college!" He yelled._

_ "I did and none of them accepted me." My father banged his fist on the table._

_ "I'm not going to be around forever to support you! You need to be self reliant, Santana!" I __folded the magazine. I had grown tired of his yelling and screaming. All I needed to do was seduce some NFL player and I would be set for life. I grabbed my keys and my coat and went out the door. All this fighting was making me angry and horny and Brittany would be there to fix that._

* * *

She pulled into an empty parking lot and we both got out of the car at the same time. There were two parts to Lima heights, the side where I lived when I was in high school and the side where I lived now. I grew up in a big house sitting on acres of land. I had a car, a nice shiny blue mini coop. I had money, well, my dad had money anyway.

Now I lived on the other side of Lima Heights. It wasn't, what you would call, the nice side of town. It was where all the projects were, all the cheap apartment complexes stood. I lived in a small studio in the basement of one of the buildings where the size of the apartment was barely the size of my old room. I slept on a bed, had a small nook of a kitchen and barely enough room for a desk.

I was a little embarrassed to even let this girl see it.

"Sorry." I said even though I really had no need to. She brought a backpack with her and slung it over one shoulder.

"What for? It's clean." She replied. In my mind, this girl was every bit as rich as I was when I was younger. I gestured for her to walk into the bedroom. There wasn't much room to stand so she sat down on the bed and set down her backpack on the floor.

"You want something to drink?" I asked.

"Anything." She replied. I opened up the cupboards and got out two glasses which I filled with water. I handed one glass to her and she took it without saying or acknowledging anything. _Kids these days..._I thought again. She stood up suddenly and walked over to the desk. She stared at the photos I had lined up.

"Is this your dad?" She asked, pointing to a photo on the left. I nodded.

"He died my senior year. Drunk driver hit him head on, he didn't have a chance." I explained. She didn't say anything but kept looking. She saw another one and studied it for a long time. I followed her line of sight to the photo she was staring at. It was the glee members on our graduation day.

"Who are these people?" She asked.

"Old friends. You said you'd heard of Quinn, that's her standing in the very middle." She picked up the frame and looked at it. She looked a little sad, the corners of her mouth were turned down and she looked a lot older. _She looks like me..._I thought.

"Who's the guy with the mohawk?" She asked.

"Why? Because he has the same hairdo as you?" I jokingly asked. She said nothing and I coughed awkwardly. "That's Puck, well, Noah Puckerman but we all called him Puck." She glanced up and studied my face.

"You looked different back then."

"I wasn't working two jobs and trying to make ends meet." I replied.

"What about this girl?" She asked, showing me the picture. I didn't need her to point out what I already knew was there. I knew in the picture, there were two girls smiling and laughing with the rest of the group. The blond was kissing the brunette's cheek and the brunette had her eyes closed, her mouth open in silent mirth. She didn't need to point out what I had lost.

"She's no one special." I lied. Sensing that she had touched a sensitive subject, the girl set the picture back down on my desk and sipped her water. She still looked distracted and that's when it occurred to me that I knew nothing about her, not even her name.

"Who are you?" I asked. "You come into my life and you pry and pry and I have no idea what your name even is."

"Do you need to know?"  
"What are you even doing here?" She sat back down next to me and looked me straight in the eye.

"Would you believe me if I said I just stopped by and found someone incredibly interesting?" She asked. A laugh escaped my mouth and quickly stifled it.

"Ok, this is too much. You're what, 15? 16?"  
"18." She answered.

"Practically jailbait. Get out of here." I said, waving my hand. Instead she took the glass of water out of my hand and put it down on the desk. She then walked up to me so that her legs were touching my knees. She looked down at me and I looked up at her. The look in her eyes shut me up. It was one of determination, something I had lost a long time ago. She was everything I was not and wanted to be a part of. She could leave this town at any moment, she didn't care what she looked like or what people said. I wanted that and a small part of me wanted her.

She bent down and captured my lips with her own and I couldn't help but feel something spark between us. I could smell faint traces of whatever scent she put on in the morning and something from the depths of my mind flew to the front.

_A singer in a smoky room..._

_ The smell of wine and cheap perfume..._

_ For a smile they could share the night_

_ It goes on and on and on and on..._

* * *

_ It was raining when I got the call. I was over at Brittany's and we were in the middle of making out when my phone buzzed. I looked angrily at the phone and ignored it. It had to be my dad. It was Saturday night, a night away from all the yelling and the screaming._

_ "Shouldn't you get that?" Brittany asked, turning her head one way to speak. I kissed her cheek._

_ "No." I replied inbetween kisses. The phone began ringing again and I angrily pushed myself up. I pressed the answer button and held it up to my ear._

_ "What?" I demanded angrily. Brittany sat up beside me as I listened to the unfamiliar voice. It was a woman from the Lima hospital. At first I thought maybe my dad was trying to get a hold of me from there. But as she spoke, sentences like "your father's been in an accident" and "you need to come down right away" floated through the receiver. Tears filled my eyes and my whole body started to sweat. I put a hand to my mouth._

_ "Is he...is he alive?" I asked. Brittany suddenly became more alert and she put an arm around my waist. I didn't look at her but I could tell that she had a look of concern on her face. She rested her cheek against my shoulder. I stifled my sobs as the lady on the other end replied._

_ "I'm sorry." She said. My mind flew back to the last time I saw my father. We were yelling again because of something I did or said and I couldn't even remember what it was._

_ "I'm sorry." She said again and Brittany's embrace tightened. I hung up and cried into Brittany's arms. "I'm sorry" was what I should've said to my father._

* * *

We crammed onto my bed with her head on my collarbone. A thin layer of sweat covered us both and she reached up to wipe it from my neck.

"I don't even know your name." I said jokingly. She inhaled deeply.

"Beth." She replied. I froze in place. Beth. That name sounded so familiar but I couldn't place where I had heard it. I looked around for answers and my eyes fell on the graduation picture.

_Beth._

_ Quinn's baby._

_ Quinn and Puck's..._

I sat up and all but pushed myself away from her.

"I'm sorry." She began.

"Get out right now." I said in a low, serious voice.

"Let me explain."

"Explain what?" I demanded. "Explain that you...that you're Quinn's..." My head swirled with thoughts and I felt dizzy enough to lean against the wall for support. I could imagine the scenario now. Our next five year reunion and _"Hey Quinn, how are you? Me? I'm doing fine, oh. I saw your daughter, no, not your current one. The one you had as a teen. And I slept with her, funny how that works, huh?"_ I felt nauseous and Beth scooted over.

"Get away from me!" I yelled. I could see Puck's reaction clear as day. _"Hey Puck. We had some good times, huh? Fun times, you and me. Well I've done that with your daughter too!"_ And Puck, despite his code of not hitting girls, would no doubt punch me in the jaw and storm away.

"Please don't get mad."

"Why? Why shouldn't I get mad? You lied to me, oh god, do you even know how wrong this is?" I closed my eyes and prayed to God she was joking.

"I came here looking for my mom..."

"So you fuck one of her old classmates instead. She's not even living in Lima anymore, why would you even come here?" I asked.

"I know that. I wasn't looking for Quinn Fabray the politician. I was looking for Quinn Fabray the teenager who gave me up." Beth breathed. I looked at her intently. All of the confidence seemed to seep out of her when she talked about Quinn. She looked like she was about to cry. "I want to know...I wanted to find out about her around the time that she had me." She grabbed her backpack and unzipped it. She brought out a binder and opened it. Inside were all the newspaper clippings of Quinn in politics. There must've been hundreds and it must've taken ages to compile. Beth handed the binder to me and I flipped through them. There were even a few of Quinn from when she was a Cheerio.

"There aren't many of her from high school." Beth said quietly. "I wanted to know what she was like."

"And I factor in..."

"You were the first person I talked to at Lima." She replied. "And you knew Quinn. And I recognized you from the photos that my mom...my adopted mom had." _Shelly..._I thought.

"And does your mom know that you're banging women old enough to be your mother?" I asked as I drew the covers to my chest.

"She never really had a say in what I did." Beth replied. "Look, I just...I just want to know about my biological mom." I sighed and Beth looked up at her. "I like you, Santana."

"I'd rather you not." I said, sliding out of bed. I tossed Beth's clothes at her and started dressing. Beth didn't put on clothes. "Look, this is all...this is all messed up in so many different ways I can't even begin to count. It was a mistake." Beth pulled her sweater over her head and slipped into her jeans.

"I didn't mean to..."

"You mother and I were never on really good terms." I said. "But I know someone who knows more about her than I do." It would come as a shock and I wasn't sure bringing her _there _was the right thing to do. But it was the only thing I could come up with. As wrong as it was, for a precious few moments, she'd taken me out of Lima and into her world. I had escaped the confines of my small apartment. I'd been set free of any worries and made young again.

For that escapism, I could at least put her on the right path to finding out about Quinn. Hope shone in her eyes when she heard that. She got dressed quickly and packed her backpack up. Wordlessly, we left the apartment.

I gave her directions to the place. It was only a few blocks away but notably, it was on the rich side of Lima Heights. We didn't speak much, the radio was the only noise in the background apart from me telling her to turn, or go straight. It took about 10 minutes to reach our destination, _her _destination_._

"Where are we?" She asked. We parked outside a large house sitting atop a small hill. I looked at the house and memories flooded my mind. How many times had Brittany dragged me to this house? How many times had I been over? How long had it been since I'd visited even though it was not that far away?

"Judy Fabray." I answered. I could feel Beth's wide eyes on me. "Your biological grandmother."

"I don't want to give her a heartattack, San." It was my turn to stare at her. No one had called me that since...since Brittany. My mouth opened but nothing came out. My vocal chords were frozen until she spoke again. "Santana?"

"She won't die so easily." I joked but I looked away. "Besides, you were the one who was willing to sleep with an old classmate for information. This shouldn't be as hard."

"I didn't sleep with you for information." Beth insisted.

"I'd like to think you did if you don't mind. If you were actually attracted to me...I slept with your biological dad on a regular basis. That seems wrong to me, doesn't it seem wrong to you?" I asked.

"You're a different Santana now than you were back then." She said. I might've been different personality wise, I might've grown up a bit but the body parts are still the same. I wasn't about to tell her that.

"Your answers are up there." I said jerking a thumb towards the house.

"Do you need me to drop you off back at your place?" She asked but her eyes were transfixed on the house. I could tell she was both nervous and impatient to walk up the driveway and ring the doorbell. I shook my head.

"Naw, it'll be better if I just walk, you know, try to process that I slept with my ex's daughter." I replied.

"I'm not..." She began and stopped. Maybe she wanted to say she wasn't just Puck or Quinn's daughter, that she was Beth in her own right. Maybe she wanted me to stop treating our encounter like it was just a means to an end. But I didn't want to hear it any more than she wanted to say it.

"It was nice meeting you." I said politely and got out of the car. I walked down the sidewalk and turned around. Beth was still in her car. When I rounded the corner, she hadn't moved and her gaze was still fixed on the door to the Fabray's.

* * *

_ "Come with me, Santana." Brittany said._

_ "With what money, Brittany? Just because you have a free ticket, doesn't mean I do." I snapped angrily. We were sitting in her living room where I had been sleeping for the past two months._

_ "Santana..."_

_ "Look, I don't know what the hell is so good about getting the backup dancer role in some obscure music video."_

_ "It's a start! I haven't had any offers from anyone in a long time and the last time I gave it up to stay with you."_

_ "I don't have money for a ticket, Brittany!" I yelled. I was scared that she was leaving me, scared that she was going to cast me away._

_ "I figured you could just fit in my big suitcase..." Brittany whispered._

_ "God, Brittany, that doesn't work in real life!" I shouted getting up and walking away._

_ "I can't give this up. I can't." Brittany said._

_ "Then get out. Get out of here!" If she was going to leave me, I was going to break up with her first. I never lost, I never followed. And no one was going to break up with me. I would do it first. I looked back and saw Brittany with tears overflowing from her eyes. She sat, unmoving._

_ "I don't want to..." She said._

_ "Then I will." I stormed out the front door and slammed it shut. It was the last time I saw Brittany._

* * *

I was working the morning shift when Beth walked in again. I didn't even recognize her at first. Her hair was still short but it wasn't styled. Most importantly, it was blond. I gaped when I saw her and she ran her fingers through her hair awkwardly.

"I dyed it back when I got to the hotel." She explained while standing in the waiting area. It was an empty restaurant but she didn't seem particularly interested in food. I nodded dumbly. She'd taken out all her piercings. With her blond hair, the blue flecks in her eyes shone even more brightly. She had completely transformed overnight. When I first saw her, I thought that she resembled Puck but with her blond hair and metal free face, I realized that she looked more like Quinn than Puck.

"You look nice." I said. She gave me a weak smile. "You find what you were looking for?" She shrugged.

"I half expected a revelation, you know?"

"I don't." I replied and she bit her lip.

"I almost gave her a heartattack like I said." She joked but it was a weak one. "Listen...I just came by to thank you."

"No problem. Though you could've done it without..."

"Without sleeping with you, I know." She said. "But I didn't do it because I was using you."

"Save it." I said curtly. "Whether you did or didn't, I don't care. It will never happen again." She looked troubled by the thought for a second and then it passed, making me wonder if I had just imagined in.

"You really didn't know who I was?" She asked.

"Was I supposed to?" She bit her lip again.

"I tried to look like him...look like Puck, you know." She said. "I saw the pictures and I figured...if I had a mohawk...or something like it, maybe someone would recognize me. I mean, how many people in Lima have mohawks?"

"Not many." I admitted. I didn't tell her that it worked, that the first thing I thought of when I saw her was "Puck." No, that would've meant I was paying attention to her, that I should've recognized her, that I knew who she was when I got into her car.

Maybe I did. Maybe I was lying to myself when I said that it was a mistake.

"So what are you going to do now?" I said, distracting myself from further thoughts. She shrugged.

"I don't know. My grand...Judy said I should call Quinn. Let her know I'm doing well, maybe meet her or something. I don't know what I'm going to do."

"You should go home to the mother that raised you, that loves you and misses you." I said, thinking back to my own father. He'd raised me by himself and all I did was rebel. Looking back, I was just a spoiled rotten kid and I'd been taught a painful lesson when he died. She took a step towards me.

"I might call her." She said in a quiet voice, scared silly by the prospect of it.

"Do what you got to." I replied with a casual shrug.

"It's a nice roadtrip, actually, you know, to Lima." She said. I raised an eyebrow, uncomprehending. She shifted. "If I visit..."

"I'm not going to wait for you." I said a little more harshly than I intended. She flinched and I found myself regretting the tone of my voice. I calmed it down. "Look, you're young, you have possibilities. Why the hell would you come visit a...a Lima Loser?" It was the first time those words left my mouth. I'd finally come to accept it.

"You're not a Lima Loser." She said. "You haven't even tried."

"And?" I asked. "I'm always going to fail." She smiled as if a thought struck her.

"Well then I'm going to come visit you. And I'm going to keep visiting you until you get out of here." She said. I laughed aloud.

"That's stupid." I sneered. "You're not going to do that." I looked away for a second and in that second, she quickly stepped towards me and kissed me on my exposed cheek. She backed away instantly.

"Watch me." She promised and walked out the door. Just like that, as quickly as she came into my life, she left. I felt oddly empty when I saw her car pull out of the parking lot. It was an empty restaurant and it wasn't going to get much busier. People came and went in Lima, only a few people ever got stuck. They were usually the people who showed up a little past noon, familiar faces, old faces. I imagined myself growing old in Lima while everyone went out there and did big things.

It was strange, I thought. My encounter with Beth was wrong, but it didn't bother me as much as I thought it would the more I thought about it. She'd found a bit of her past and in turn, gave me something to look forward to. I only realized it when I caught myself looking out the window the next day for a green range rover sitting in the parking lot, waiting for me to leave work.

_Fin_


End file.
